Amid growing concern over unhealthy relationship dynamics and gender-based vulnerability, a senior scholar at UIN Sunan Kalijaga Yogyakarta has proposed a reframing of ta’aruf — the Islamic introduction process prior to marriage — as a structured ethical framework grounded in the Five Pillars of Islam.

Speaking at the Ramadan intellectual forum Tanwir (Tausiah, Nasihat, dan Wawasan Ilmu Ramadan) hosted by the university’s Laboratory of Religion on 19 February 2026, Professor Alimatul Qibtiyah, Ph.D., a Professor of Gender Studies at the Faculty of Da’wah and Communication, argued that ta’aruf must be understood not as a social formality but as an act of worship carrying moral responsibility.

“Ta’aruf is the gateway to a marriage contract. It is not a space for experimentation, emotional drama, or the pursuit of physical satisfaction and social status,” she stated.

Professor Qibtiyah highlighted the persistence of patriarchal bias in some contemporary practices, where women are positioned as passive objects of selection. She proposed instead that ta’aruf be treated as an instrument of empowerment — enabling women to make conscious, autonomous, and equal decisions.

She further emphasized that marriage in Islam is recommended but not universally obligatory. Social and familial pressures, she noted, often transform this recommendation into perceived compulsion. Referring to declining marriage rates in Indonesia since 2018, despite a growing productive-age population, she urged a more nuanced reading that accounts for economic readiness, psychological maturity, and relational quality.

Drawing on data from Komnas Perempuan, she warned that toxic dynamics can emerge as early as the introduction stage. Healthy relationships, she explained, “recharge one’s emotional energy, offering security and mutual support,” whereas toxic ones generate anxiety, control, imbalance, and diminished self-worth.

To restore ethical clarity, she proposed structuring ta’aruf around the Five Pillars of Islam:

Shahada — commitment as a moral pledge before God.
Salat — discipline and boundary observance as character indicators.
Zakat — emotional generosity within ethical limits.
Sawm (fasting) — self-restraint, particularly in managing emotional and physical proximity before legal commitment.
Hajj — readiness: marriage should proceed when one is mentally, spiritually, and materially prepared.

Under this framework, ta’aruf becomes not merely a procedural step toward marriage, but a protective ethical process — safeguarding dignity, preventing violence, and ensuring relationships are built on faith, responsibility, and equality.